Holding On Tightly

Ever find yourself on a roller coaster with your eyes tightly shut, your knuckles white from gripping the safety bar, and your lips silently moving because you are praying for the ride to just come to an end and that you are still alive when it does? I really liked roller coasters when I was younger, but ever since I became a mom something changed. I don't know if realizing my kids would be motherless if something happened to me made me lose the desire to be suspended upside down high in the air or maybe some hormonal change (we can always blame things on hormones), but something has totally changed for me. I really don't want to go on roller coasters anymore. The last couple of ones that I did ride I did literally pray that God would just keep me alive and let the ride be over quickly. Those were the longest 45 seconds of my life. :)

I feel like I'm on one of those roller coasters right now. Only this time my feet are firmly planted on the ground, and my eyes are wide open. It's the roller coaster of life; to be more specific my life, and if I had to really narrow it down it would be the homeschooling aspect of my life. We hit the ground running after our vacation, jumping right back into school. I wanted to get a good schedule underway and be well into school before the other activities of our lives started piling up. It hasn't been the easiest transition back into the whole school routine, for sure. I won't go into details to protect the innocent (maybe "innocent" isn't the best word choice). Just suffice to say that this teacher is a sinner and the students are little sinners, and that has become quite obvious in the past few days.

I love to read good child training books. Recently I felt led to pick up one of my all time favorites, Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman and do a re-read. This is one of those "recommend to every parent, read again" type books. I think I'm reading it for the third or fourth time, and as always I'm convicted of my responsibility to try to get to root/heart issues with my kids instead of just correcting erring behavior. It's amazing to me how I can find myself nodding along and getting that euphoric sense of a peaceful home as I read in the quiet of an early morning or the peacefulness of a late night. I'm all pumped up to be the best mom I can be. I'm armed and ready to talk kindly and sweetly to the precious gifts God has given me, teaching them the correct way to treat each other and honor us as their parents. I can even envision the funny conversations and cute interactions as we go through the day. I might even get excited enough to plan something fun to eat or do together in our journey toward obedience. THEN the precious little sinners wake up. Before I can even come down from my euphoria the complaining and demanding begins. At first I'm usually able to breathe and answer with a calm, sweet voice. It doesn't take long before my dreams of peace are shattered when no one is happy with each other, no one wants to obey anything, and my name is yelled loudly and continuously: "Mooooooooommmmmm. . . . ." The breaking point usually comes when I'm dealing with one child and trying my best to do it Biblically, and the other two start into something that requires my attention. At this point I feel like I'm being pulled in a hundred directions, and I want to throw up my hands and say, "okay, Ginger Plowman, you come and show me how it's done." :) I'm so tired. It's only 30 minutes into the day, and we haven't even begun the tough part. . .

Enter homeschooling. I was homeschooled and have desired to homeschool my children for as long as I can remember. I even homeschooled other children before I had my own which was great practice. It's just a wee bit different when they are YOUR kids that you are with 24/7 and responsible for not only their food, shelter, and spiritual training but also their education. That's a whole lot to do in one day. I don't want to go into the pros and cons of homeschooling and why we do what we do (thank you Veggie Tales for that line). That's not what this is about. Suffice to say that at this time in our lives homeschooling is our best option. I really do like it. I love teaching. I love my kids. What could be a better combination than being able to teach them (maybe if someone else cooked, cleaned and did the laundry)? Yet, the past couple of weeks I've found homeschooling really tough. We're fighting some HUGE battles, and the school days are dragging on for hours. By the time we close the books I'm too tired to do anything else (even read my good ol' child training books). I know that this isn't the way it should be. I'm praying that it's just a testing ground for all of us. I'm really praying that we are doing the right thing as we trudge our way through and try to teach diligence, perseverance, respect, and obedience. I'm holding on to the safety bar of this roller coaster ride and praying that's it's over soon. Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning, right? Maybe we can check out the carousel or get some cotton candy when this roller coaster comes to an end.